Grandma Ann

Went to the cemetary today. We had to remove many of the items my family has placed on our son's grave. I worked at the Laramie cemetary for awhile and I know how hard it is to mow around all the stuff people leave for their loved ones. April 4th is the day that they pull all of these items so they can begin spring maintenence of the graves. It was harder than I expected to take these things, without a gravestone they are markers and reminders of our love. I just kept looking at that little dirt mound. How do they even dig a hole that small?

My great grandma's grave is right next door and I thought of the video I watched a week ago, Grandma Ann's 75th birthday. I was about 3 years old. My family was so young, it was weird seeing everyone together in the same place. Grandma Ann was so cute and you could feel the love that surrounded her as she unwrapped her presents. The night I watched the video I went to sleep hearing her voice. She was so excited about her "microwave oven" that she recieved as a gift.

I love that Silas is right there next to her. I truly can picture her holding him, waiting for me to join them, wherever they are. I am so touched by the items left for him, a tinkerbell statue from cousin Amy, a little angel statue from Aunt Sherry, a pinwheel from my mom. I think that until his headstone is in place I will keep these things in a shrine in my yard, reminders of the love that my family has for him and always will. God, I miss that little guy. I'm tired of the pain that I feel over his loss. But I can tell from that old video that time marches on and in the end we will always have the love that has brought us this far. It will be here long past our own graves and will continue on into eternity in the lives of those we leave behind.