Bad parents

I am so angry today. My neighbor, who I will call Pajama Pants, after the attire that I perpetually see him in, came by my house today to ask my husband for a ride to the store. Apparently he was out of diapers for his son. He gets into our truck and then informs my husband that he needs to stop by Hastings to pawn some movies in order to pay for the diapers. My husband feels sorry for the child so he agrees to do this, only to have "Pajama Pants" ask him if he would like to come over for a beer. My husband declines, and I can only think of the beer cases constantly overflowing from "Pajama's" trash can on garbage day.

My husband and I have not always been the most mature people in the world, but when we found out that I was pregnant we changed our lives for our son. We quit bad habits, worked hard at our jobs, bought a house and prepared for the day that we would bring our child home. Now we are left with empty arms and people like "Pajama Pants" have children that they are not willing to sacrifice for.

Sometimes I feel that there is no justice in this life, for nine months I felt my child move inside me and waited for the happy day when I would welcome him into my world. I remember lying in my bed at night, feeling him kick and smiling because I knew that the love we would give to him would be endless. And not just while he was a cute little baby, but for the rest of his life. Having a child isn't just about carrying that child for nine months or cuddling him while he is helpless and small. It is a lifetime commitment that many are not willing to make. I was. Seeing and hearing about children whose parents refuse to make this commitment is almost more than I can bare. I wonder constantly, "why them and not me?"