We survived. Sometimes I have no idea where the year has gone. I barely remember summer, putting up the fence, tearing the bathroom apart, settling into my new home. "Celebrating" my birthday without my son. Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years. By the time people were rushing to the florist for Valentine's gifts, I was steeling myself for yet another holiday without him. Why Valentine's day, my love? Hearts, cupids, candy, cheesy ass proposals... I've always hated that shit.

The day itself was unremarkable, but there was one shining moment. My dearest little mother ordered balloons to be let go for the occasion. We went to the cemetary and watched the balloons soar together for miles... it was beautiful. And even though everyone in attendence was bereft without Silas's smiling face, we were together in the love that brought us there in the first place.

I ran into my OB nurse at the store today. She was absolutely wonderful and everytime I see her, I am reminded of the good that exists in all of us. The fact that she, and all the people that love us, recognized Valentine's day as more than a consumer holiday, means the world to me. Thank you for your support and kindness.