Pale September

How do I feel, seven months later? Empty. Every day I think about what I would be doing right now if Silas were here. I get up, I function, I smile at the people I encounter throughout my day but inside I am constantly contemplating the alternate reality that my son would occupy in my life. If he had lived. He didn't, so I am forced to go on without him. I have good days, I laugh and feel happy. Sometimes I look forward to a future with children in it, even though it seems a long way off. The first and the last thought in my mind every day is of my little baby, his beautiful face and chubby little body, his tiny hands and feet. God, I miss that little boy, I wish that I would have had more time to know him, I wish that I had seen him smile.